So. I notice things. I draw connections. Sometimes they are hard to miss. For some time now, often enough to be noteworthy, when I am alone and have a bad thought about somebody, something bad promptly happens to me. I will think or say to myself, “Such and so is a selfish loudmouth” and immediately I accidentally break something of mine or knock over a plant. It’s weird. And it’s irritating!
For example, yesterday I had a specific bad thought about someone and no sooner than I did I knocked the last piece of my homemade cranberry/walnut bread that I was having for breakfast onto the floor, honey-side down. I knew I hadn’t cleaned the floor where it landed (behind a chair) in the last few days so there was no saving it.
This is a recent, perhaps for the last year or two, phenomenon. I think I would have noticed if it had been happening earlier in my life. Do know that I tend toward a skeptical, analytical nature, so I consider other ways of looking at this. Perhaps I am simply having bad thoughts about other people more often so it’s just a matter of chance that bad things sometimes happen to me in tandem, after all it’s not as if bad things don’t happen also for no apparent reason. Lord knows I’ve been breaking mirrors and stubbing my toe or running into corners all my life (same as I figure most people do). But I don’t think there’s been an increase in my bad-thought-thinking and if there is, it’s not a big one. I mean it’s not like most of my life I only had sunny thoughts about other people and only recently began having negative ones. Um, no.
Maybe, I considered, at some level (unconsciously?) I believe that having bad thoughts about other people is wrong and I should change it. But that doesn’t really seem true because I am resistant to these “reproaches” and have started to argue back out loud. I have a surly thought about someone, something bad of a fairly minor nature happens to me (I break a glass or accidentally whack my head on a cabinet door, something like that), and then I argue. “Well, it’s true” I sometimes say to the empty room. I’m sticking to my guns, such and so is probably a sociopath. Then, nothing.
This also happened recently. In late summer/early Fall I couldn’t find my edger, which is a long-handled, manual garden tool. I knew a woman of my acquaintance had given it to me (I garden so it was not an unusual thing for someone to give me). I hunted everywhere, multiple times. I even told someone else I was looking for it. I don’t have a lot of stuff, nor do I a lot of storage space. It couldn’t get lost. I looked over a period of days. I could visualize it, exactly where I kept it. Where was my edger? I couldn’t have given it away, I was certain I wouldn’t have done that. It really bothered me. I am pretty organized; I know where my stuff is.
Roughly two or so weeks later, the woman who I was sure had given me the edger offered me an edger. My mind was blown. This was not a second edger, it was THE edger. Evidently, I did not have one. I said nothing to her about being convinced she’d already given me one; she’s a very matter-of-fact person, not given to any kind of whimsical, mystical, or otherworldly thinking. Had I told her I had a premonition about her giving me an edger she likely would have suggested my mind was slipping, not that I’d had any sort of extrasensory experience.
I’ve had little stuff along these lines happen throughout my life, but this one was stronger. I could see the edger, knew where I kept it – before it existed. I didn’t think I had it, I knew it. It’s somewhat bothersome because I put such strong stock in what I know and believe is true. And convinced as I was, I was wrong. I was sure of something which hadn’t yet occurred.
And what an odd, mundane thing to have a premonition about…An edger?!?