Tag Archives: library

About my winter (and 2020 resolutions)

I’ve had a good winter. It was productive and the little “kick” in my step I felt in the fall hasn’t gone away. There’s been a bit of reprieve from an on-going problem in my life (not because anybody did the right thing but just out of a change in circumstances) and it’s allowed me to breathe a little easier. So that was certainly part of it. Creating more focus and direction for myself in the last three years with the annual resolutions has helped me considerably. I’ve already made a good start.

In a post a few years ago I remember saying that I felt like my life was a big ship in need of minor course adjustments. But big ships don’t change direction easily. They groan and strain and balk when required to turn; momentum has got them chugging along straight and that’s the easiest path. My ship has groaned and strained and balked but BY GUM it has turned. I don’t feel as wasteful. Wasteful of time, energy, talents, potential.

I stayed in shape and ate well. That’s one of the most important things I do every winter. It’s important always but tougher in winter. I pushed myself to not get lazy or eat more calories than I burned. In years past I’d be very active in good weather and was burning off the calories I consumed but come winter, when I slowed down physically, my calorie intake didn’t. I have finally realized I need to start dialing back the portions, even in a fairly healthy diet, in the fall not later in winter. I ate fruit like it was my job. A good, juicy mandarin orange, for one, is an amazement each time.

Somewhat of an aside but I feel like mentioning this: Last summer and again this winter, I bought a lot of food from Amazon. I’m in an area where Amazon offers home grocery delivery for Prime members. I only get Prime, which I split with someone, occasionally and when I do, I go to town. See, a year of Prime is $119. However, if you pay by the month and get it, say six months a year, it costs, at $12.99 a month, $78 a year. I don’t need Prime every month and I don’t even need it six months a year (last year I believe I got it for two months and two separate weeks when they had a special). Point being, when I do get it, I make sure to get my money’s worth and part of that has become groceries, both shelf-stable and perishable. Having food delivered to me has been wonderful. It’s not perfect but it’s made my life better. My life really does revolve around meals.

I was doing yoga but injured myself (not doing that) and had to cut back in the last month but have kept up my other exercising (push-ups, hand-weights, walking, and so on).

One of my goals was 8 attempts at a pull-up (or chin-up). Not 8 consecutive attempts but 8 visits to a local playground to have a go at it. The bar is just out of reach, so that when I’m standing on the ground below it, just the tips of my fingers touch it. I have to jump up to catch hold of the bar and decided that if I could touch my chin to the bar that’d count as a success. On my third visit I was able to do that and did it once more to make sure I could. I wouldn’t call this a pull-up exactly. I think a real pull-up requires you to pull yourself from a dead weight (no jumping involved) and to get your chin over the bar. Still, I was pleased to accomplish what I did!

I’ve read 15 books (out of a goal of thirty). I recently discovered Playaway books at the public library. They are cute little recorded books that you plug ear buds or headphones into. I am really enjoying being “read to”. I’ve listened to two books I read in years past, Animal Farm and The Handmaid’s Tale as well as two other novels. It’s fun to have these for variety (in addition to actual books) and I can go outside or do routine chores while listening. Some readers are fantastic at the narration and their talents really add to my enjoyment. (I was half-expecting that Margaret Atwood would read her own book but it’s Claire Danes; the story’s narrator is a young woman so of course it makes sense to have a younger person narrate.) While I’ve listened to books on CD in the past, I’ve yet to listen to any podcasts and resist reading books on any kind on an electronic device (like Kindle) so the Playaway books are a big deal for me!

I am on a mission to get rid of stuff. I’ve already put 72 items on my list this year. I’m not living in an empty house by any means but it is streamlined and orderly and visually attractive. Getting rid of a lot of stuff in the last several years is a big reason for that. I can find things, I know where stuff is. There is something very freeing in getting rid of things. I haven’t stopped buying NEW things but right now the things are going out in larger quantities than they are coming in; I’m trying to be very particular about what comes into my home (and my life for that matter; it’s all connected).

In December I fixed up my kitchen with a a “poor woman’s” semi-Italian update. No major appliances left or came in; it was largely a cosmetic project but I’ve been very happy with it.

I went through ALL of my clothes, looking at everything with fresh eyes. I got rid of (charity, etc) anything that wasn’t working for me or made fixes that could turn clothes into better versions of themselves. Whether I get them new or second-hand, I routinely have to take “tucks” in most of my jeans, pants, and shorts at the waist in order for them to fit right. (If I buy a smaller size, then the rest of the garment is too tight.) Taking in “tucks” at the waist makes pants or shorts sit where they should so the rest fits better.

If I got a piece of clothing free or cheap, I feel freer to “operate” on it. I bought these cute Forever 21 shorts for a dollar at a rummage sale last year but realized they were just too big. I remedied that by hand-sewing new seams down both sides and cutting off the excess. Now the shorts fit and flatter me.

This Merona sweater (a former Target brand) that I think I got from a thrift store is very sweet but just a bit big and additionally, it “gapped” in between buttons (you women readers know what I’m talking about; people can look right in at your bra! I hate that.). I fixed the button-gapping by sewing buttons (I keep a small stash of extras) permanently on between the gapping buttons at the top. Now the sweater is a pullover – since the newly added buttons sewn right through the front – but that’s okay because at least it looks good and I’ll be more likely to wear it.

IMG_20200312_100319

The second & fourth buttons are sewn right through the sweater

I also went through all jewelry. I think there’s a point, although I haven’t decided exactly where it is, where you can have too much of something to truly enjoy it. I think this is true of clothes and jewelry too. When I clear things out I can see what I have and I appreciate them more. This doesn’t mean I have hundreds of things because I don’t. Just that I want to manage anything I have where there’s reason (or desire) to have more than a few of it (clothes, jewelry, music, dishes, etc) so that I have a number that works for me. What is the point in merely collecting things in quantities you don’t actually use? Or really love? That’s where my head is at.

I’ve done 10 “good deeds” of the twenty on my resolutions list. The good deeds have to be something more than I might normally do; they can’t be everyday stuff I do all the time; I have to go a bit out of my way. And I have to do them with no idea of being rewarded. I hesitated to even mention this resolution when I wrote about my 2020 plans because I didn’t want it to sound self-congratulatory. I still don’t. But if I was reading this, I might want to know what kinds of things I’m talking about when I say “good deeds” so I will tell you one.

The small grocery store near me is having financial issues and going through changes. I have mixed feelings about the store but I don’t want it to fail and while I won’t give them extra cash (they’ve been doing quite a bit of fund raising) I will help in other ways if I can. On a recent Sunday many grocery carts were outside the store, where they’d been abandoned, rather than stored inside for new customers. Usually an employee is in charge of bringing the carts back inside but I could see nobody was around (maybe nobody ever does this task on Sundays or maybe it was just this particular Sunday). I took it upon myself to round up all the carts and bring them inside. It took a few trips. It is harder to push a line of carts than it looks! I came back through the store a few hours later to see if the carts needed to be brought in again but an employee had apparently already done it.

Basically, I’m keeping my eyes open for things I can do to be helpful or decent or kind, where it requires more effort from me than what I might normally do. And — except for here in this blog – I am keeping them to myself. They are secret good deeds, at least part of the time.

I cut back on my DVD watching. Less internet and less DVDS mean more reading, etc. I’m still doing crosswords and other mind-challenging activities. As much as I want my body to stay strong, I really, REALLY want my mind to stay strong. That said, I’m no zealot and I believe in entertainment. I’m catching up now on movies that were nominated for or won Oscars this year so my DVD-number is on the increase. I figure I’ll just slow it down later this year. I was uncertain about setting a number, but I think a movie a week is good, plus a few series.

It is always about balance. Modern life is not about balance. It’s about excess and immoderation, about indulging one’s self, and never having enough. Does that sound preachy? I don’t mean it to be. But everywhere I turn, I’m encouraged to overdo it and not in good, healthy ways. It is a real struggle to stay in your own lane and not be caught in anyone else’s agenda, be it an individual’s or a corporation’s, or even a government’s. You have to decide what is important to you and keep to it. Beat those distractions back with a stick! That’s what I tell myself.

I enjoyed this winter more than any in years.

Kinda, Sorta New Year’s Resolutions 2020

Starting two years ago, in 2018, I set specific goals for myself for the year. 2018 and 2019 went very well and I decided to keep at it this year. I’ve heard that few people keep their resolutions. I suspect it’s because, in part, many goals are general: lose weight, exercise more, drink less and so on or they are just plain daunting: run a marathon, get a graduate degree, backpack across Europe, and so on. My little resolutions are just that. Little. I look at areas of my life that need work and commit to very specific goals. I write them down and keep track on simple, loose-leaf paper. I guess if you had a proper computer (I don’t) you could make fancy files. For me, seeing the accomplishments written down – and adding entries – is part of the pleasure. People who like to make lists will probably understand this!

I have a lot of down-time in winter so it’s a perfect time to get started. Having specific plans in mind helps a lot – it keeps me from being aimless or frittering away my time. Also, this winter the local public library was closed for two months for renovations, and as I am very dependent on the library and its various resources, it meant I needed to occupy myself elsewhere.

I have re-booted my reading habit (which I’d let slip) with a goal of 20 books in both 2018 and 2019. I exceeded those so for 2020 the goal is 30 books. This month (January) I’ve read 7 books and started on an eighth. Knowing that the library would be closed, I planned in advance and trotted around to the little free libraries in my community to make sure I had reading material. There are five(!) “mini libraries” within walking distance of where I live which is terrific. (If you know me and would like to know where they are all are, feel free to ask.) Because I was using the little libraries, I re-read two excellent books, Elie Wiesel’s Night and Jeannette Wall’s The Glass Castle.

I watched a lot of dvds and series in 2019. A lot. I decided that I needed to cut back. I’ve watched just four DVDs and no series this month. I am effectively taking what has become a habit and turning it back into a treat. (When I was a kid, movies were a rare treat and that added to how special they were.) Also, as is the case with books, a lot of movies just aren’t all that; maybe they’re average or even mediocre. I’d rather watch less and enjoy them more, if that makes sense. The other week I happened to catch most of What Lies Beneath, a 2000 Harrison Ford/Michelle Pfeiffer film on TV and was so engaged that after I found it in the library system and watched the whole thing from the start (and without any scenes missing to add commercials). I don’t know how I missed this film when it first came out; it’s just my kind of movie. A psychological thriller that’s just scary enough (in the the Alfred Hitchcock vein). I see that RottenTomatoes.com doesn’t care for this film; oh well.

It’s been important to me this winter to make sure that I occupy myself by myself, without all the outside distractions and plays for my attention. I have kept my own counsel. It feels really good. I like being online but I want to be sure I can entertain myself without being online and without relying on “entertainment.” It is so easy to spend time online or to watch movies; it takes more effort on my part to do other activities.

Starting last year, yoga has become a more regular part of my life. My goal this year is to do the “sun salutation” (a series of poses that take all of five minutes) fifty times. I plan to do 20 longer sessions with the help of instructional DVDs. I found a new favorite, Mia Togo. I also like Tara Stiles. (I haven’t found a man with a yoga DVD that I like – so far). This month I’ve done the sun salutation four times and longer yoga sessions also four times. I never feel like yoga is time wasted.

I am always getting rid of things (trash, recycle, giveaway) but now I keep track and set goals. I got rid of a ton of stuff in 2019 and set a goal of getting rid of 50 things for 2020. I’ve already got 23 things on the list so I am sure I’ll exceed the goal. De-cluttering, culling, letting go of excess and things that no longer suit, feels fabulous. I like the idea that it “frees up space” in every sense of the phrase.

Last year I wanted to strengthen mind and body and I think I did that. I still want that goal. On New Year’s Day I went to a playground (no one else was there) and made sure I could still do a few “tricks” on the bars. My able assistant Gumby demonstrated as a stand-in for me in a post last year. I also made sure I could climb the pole at another playground. I don’t like climbing the pole but I think it’s good for me to know I can.

The skinny red pole I climb

In 2019 my blogging friend at Pistachios Conspiracy #63 mentioned trying to do a pull-up. We had a brief exchange about attempting that in 2019. She accomplished it but I didn’t really try but once (and I hadn’t made it a real goal). She mentioned jumping up to do it so on New Year’s Day I tried that. Three times in a row I jumped up and tried to reach the bar but it just wasn’t happening. In the middle of the night I woke up and several body parts were hurting that hadn’t been before! I think a) when I try I should try only once per “session” and b) I’ll call it a success if I can touch my chin to the bar. (In my New Year’s attempts I realized, as I was straining mightily, that I didn’t have a clear idea of what I could call a successful pull-up.) My goal is eight attempts. Admittedly, I haven’t tried again since the New Year’s day attempt but perhaps this weekend….

Blogger Don’t Curse the Nurse recently mentioned (in lieu of doing a pull-up) that she’d accomplished a “three-minute plank.” I knew what planks were but hadn’t heard of a three-minute one. This sounded like a good challenge so I immediately tried it. I did do a three minute plank but I did stick my butt up in the air briefly three times to alter the position. It is hard! The fronts of my shoulder sockets were feeling it immediately; this isn’t a body part I even think about but I did during the three minute plank. Yowee.

I went back and forth about mentioning this next goal because I wondered if I should just do it and keep quiet about it. Anyway, it’s a goal of doing “good deeds.” I routinely try to do good things in my life but I thought that if I made a specific goal (of 20) I’d be more conscious of the idea in general. (I have heard of goals where people do good deeds that sound kind of forced/disingenuous to me and I don’t want to do that; I want it to be genuine and freely done.) The idea is that I’ll do something good for someone else – or something beneficial to multiple people – without any expectation of a reward of any kind. It doesn’t have to be huge but it has to be more than holding a door for someone or picking up a piece of trash. It can’t be routine things I do all the time. I want to make a little effort. Maybe I already do 20 such things (or more) a year but I absolutely have no idea so far as a number. And I’ve said this several times on the blog but I strongly maintain that if you are too taxed yourself (from work, or a problem, or stress, or depression or grief or any of the kinds of things that sap strength and motivation) you typically don’t have a lot of extra to give. I am feeling less taxed in my life and feel I have a bit more to offer. That’s the impetus behind this goal.

I am fairly new to Scrabble but I love it. I was playing with some people but not enjoying it that much (too much arguing) so I practice by playing against myself. It’s definitely good for me. It makes me think. Last summer I got a great deal from Amazon and bought a board. I have a goal of playing (against myself) ten times this year. I’ve already done a few sessions so that’s an easy goal. In an effort to find someone to play against, I put a notice on a local bulletin board earlier in the month. However, because I don’t entirely trust such things, I asked for someone who was “reasonably normal” and “reasonably good-natured” for fun, competitive games. Nobody responded. I thought I’d shake at least somebody out of the trees but no! I may try another ad but frankly, I am wary of who it might attract (hence the requests for normalcy and good nature).

My year is off to a really good start with this month. I want to mention one other thing that happened (this month) that is not goal-related but deserves a mention. Somehow I won a $5 Amazon gift card from blogger Becky. I didn’t know I was in the running so that was a lovely surprise!

A stranger’s “advice”

“Dtjscjnfrgjvxwf juggnjrxcbhhuhb gghu” said the woman seated two computers away from me at the public library. At least that’s more or less what I heard. I had a wicked cold all week and the resultant congestion had muted my usually normal hearing. Although I felt sure I was past being contagious, I’d made a point to sit at a wholly unoccupied circular array of computers so as to not get too close to anyone or to be alarming or annoying with the residual sniffling and throat clearing. This stranger had subsequently taken a seat two away from me at the round table.

Immediately before she’d spoken, I felt what was sure to be a involuntary coughing jag coming on so I’d prepared to temporarily vacate my computer and go hack and choke in private.

On hearing her incomprehensible-to-me words I turned to her and asked, “What?”

You’re missing minerals.

There was no “Excuse me” or “Could I offer you advice?” or ” Could I tell you something ” or “I don’t mean to bother you but…” None of the typical or possibly expected statements were proffered before the unusual non sequitur was uttered.

The immediate response that came to my mind was “I’M SICK!” but rather than say that I said nothing. For one, I sensed that replying would be a tacit agreement to enter into a conversation I was probably not going to want. For another, as I mentioned, I felt that unpleasant “tickle” in my throat and watering in one eye that announced a coughing fit was imminent. I hopped up and hustled to the lower floor of the building to the ladies restroom where I coughed and weezed till the jag passed.

While there I considered the encounter. Now, I’ve lived a number of years. I’ve had all sorts of interactions with strangers. People have said oh-so-many things to me. I’ve learned that a certain degree of restraint and internal skepticism is a good idea when dealing with strangers. Far more often than not, when a stranger says something to me, they want something and have an agenda. As a rule I am really not a fan of agendas.

All that being said, I considered the woman and her words. I am not so cynical and jaded that I unequivocally believe that a stranger could never have something of value to tell me. Secretly, the idea of a soothsayer appearing with wise and insightful tidbits to offer is kind of appealing. That is, a random encounter with a magical person, or a person with magical qualities, seems interesting! No one has ever come along who could see into me, immediately penetrate my very being, but would I say it could never happen? No, I wouldn’t BUT the odds say “not likely.”

Still, I considered the subject at hand. Minerals? Gee, I’d been taking a multivitamin regularly. Granted, it’s a men’s multivitamin that I’ve purchased a few times from Amazon because the price was substantially lower than the women’s version, but I take Calcium to compensate for its absence plus I haven’t grown a beard or anything so I figure it’s okay. In fact I had wanted to blog – but hadn’t – that to my happy surprise, I never got sick this past winter. No colds, no flu. I don’t remember the last winter I escaped unscathed by sickness of some stripe. Despite the current sickness I felt reasonably sure that between the multivitamin and my vitamin/mineral rich diet, I was doing well by myself.

I knew that on return to the computers, I could take up the conversation, perhaps ask the woman to clarify, but I hadn’t been wild about her approach and in part due to my weakened state, I wasn’t really in the mood. I might start something and quickly be sorry. Minimally, any further discussion would be distracting. No, this was one to let go. I was careful not to make eye contact and resumed what I’d been doing at the computer. The woman did not say anything more. After a time she got up and left. I took a look at her retreating figure. Nah, she didn’t look like an oracle.

Update on my New Year’s “kinda, sorta resolutions”

At the start of the year I set a few¬†kinda, sorta New Year’s resolutions. Basically I had simple goals for 2018: to make 10 new recipes, to read 20 books, and to visit my local lake/park 10 times. I have already revisited my¬†progress¬†in March. I’m back to say I’VE READ 20 BOOKS!! Go Colette, go Colette! Fifteen were nonfiction; five fiction. I like memoirs and read several. My favorite book of the twenty was a very funny memoir,¬†You’ll Grow Out of It by Jesse Klein. I also was very impressed with Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan. My page-turner novel was¬†The Girl on the Train¬†by Paula Hawkins (I subsequently watched the movie; it lacked something as compared with the book).

What reading twenty books in seven months has made very clear to me is how little I’ve been reading – in any kind of depth or quantity – for years. The internet, and life to some lesser extent, totally screwed up my ability to read (a book) and I had to get it back. Reading requires a different gear, one that had become somewhat unfamiliar. It’s like meeting up with an old friend and falling back into step together, ultimately wondering why you ever drifted in the first place.

I’ve exceeded my recipes goal, doing most of my cooking in winter. I haven’t made any new recipes lately.

After knocking out several in winter, I have slacked on lake visits. I got busy in the spring and it slid off my priorities. Which is kinda odd, considering lake visits are actually the easiest of the trio, requiring nothing, per my goals, other than merely going there. I have a few more to make my goal of ten.¬† I went this past Saturday and took a few photos for the blog. I can only take credit for¬†framing these shots; my tablet has a bunch of “filters” and I opted to use the¬†litho one on these for an interesting effect.

 

IMG_20180728_141211_hdr_kindlephoto-2387879

Check out the Litho Squirrel!

 

IMG_20180728_140957_hdr_kindlephoto-2281498

Dragonfly dead center on top of the blade of grass

IMG_20180728_140840_hdr_kindlephoto-2042964

 

 

Colette, Somewhat Improved

At the start of the year I set a few concrete, albeit simple goals for 2018, nothing too whacky, involving essentially: cooking, reading, and being in nature. I visited my progress already in March.

I’m back again to talk about it some more. I have read 15 books. Because I am horribly prone to being exacting and forthcoming, I have to say three of them were short. Two were what you’d call novellas and the other was Roz Chast’s “graphic novel” tribute to New York city, easily read in a sitting.¬†Still…. am I proud of this accomplishment? Oh hell yes I am proud!

As I wrote back in January my ability to read had pretty much gone to shit. It was worse than I realized. I still thought of myself as a “reader” as I’d been throughout my life.¬† But how much was I really reading, that is,¬†books? Not as many as I thought. I couldn’t tell you how many books I read in 2017 or 2016 or 2015 for that matter, but it damn sure was not 15 in a year, let alone four months

I’ve been thinking about how this happened. When I was preschool age I could not WAIT to get to start first grade because I knew it meant I’d learn to read (these were days long ago when, for me at least, kindergarten was mainly for playing and having stories read to you not learning to read). In gradeschool my class once had a contest for who could write the most book reports. Not only did I win, I blew the rest of the kids away. (Sadly the prize was some¬† kind of religious¬† trinket, a holy medal or such, I’ve forgotten what exactly but as you see, several decades later, I haven’t forgot I¬†won.) Reading always excited me. In the years I went to college, it bothered me that my personal reading, as in nontext books, had to be cut back. When I did office work and spent long days staring at computer screens, my eyes were too red and tired after to read much at¬† home. This too disturbed me.

Once upon a time, books were the main thing and¬†movies, another big love, were the occasional treat. This was when it wasn’t so easy to watch movies, when they weren’t so available. I read more books than watched movies. But in recent years that flip-flopped. I love movies but realizing I was doing more passive watching than engaging (more) of my mind by reading didn’t sit right. I also couldn’t tell you¬†how many movies I typically view in a year, no idea. (I also don’t know how I’d quantify whole series like¬†The Walking Dead or¬†Game of Thrones; every two hours equals one movie??)

More than movies, the internet screwed up my ability to read. I am certain internet use has changed my wiring and not for the best. Your brain gets some sort of endorphin payoff every so often¬†while being on online. The payoff is inconsistent and unpredictable so gaining it necessitates perpetual activity and vigilance. You go online and basically wait for something good to happen. Trouble is there is a whole lot of crap and wasted time inbetween those “payoff” moments, at least for me and I¬† imagine for many people. There are times when I’m bored or tired and just fool around online hoping magic strikes, or at least something interesting catches my attention.¬† It was¬†easier to get online & read various (quick) stuff than to read a book.

I wanted to change, I wanted to recapture something I’d lost. And I have. It feels REALLY GOOD to have found my way back to books. My rule is I don’t have to read anything I don’t want to, even if it means quitting a book halfway through.¬†This isn’t supposed to be punishment. I didn’t plan it this way but of the 15 books, only four have been fiction. The funniest was¬†You’ll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein, a woman I’d never heard of. The page-turner was Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan, which I knocked out in two days. I was back!

 

IMG_20180428_183535_kindlephoto-17029461

I’m also doing crossword puzzles; I got a little book of them from Dollar Tree and a second volume for when the first is done. Doing the puzzles has made me sharper (I now can say with conviction there were nine Muses and “Clio” was one. This has come up a few times, despite t the puzzles being written by various makers.) I find myself saying¬† repeatedly, “I¬†know this” or “I¬†should know this” when trying to figure out clues. I know things I don’t realize I know; it’s often an issue of¬†retrieval. I find real satisfaction in realizing what an answer is, particularly when it doesn’t come to me immediately. However, I¬† doubt myself because a voice inside me often says at the start of a puzzle when there are too many open spaces, “I’ll never finish this.”¬† I’ve done 40 (of 88) puzzles so you’d think I’d be a little more trusting by now.

The puzzles show me where my knowledge is decent and where there’s weakness; I don’t know sports or the Bible, and world geography isn’t too promising either. Greek mythology is iffy but improving!¬† The puzzles force me to consider things from different angles (like when an answer I filled in confidently subsequently messes up other answers and I’m compelled to rethink it). I’ve noticed that this skill is carrying over into other areas of my life; it’s as if my brain is deviating from overworn paths and checking out new trails.¬† It’s subtle but I¬†can tell.

One of my goals was to make 10 new recipes. I’ve made 14. Also, my diet, already good, is a bit better. I’m eating less cheese and more vegetables for one. And I’m enjoying it. Food is pleasure to me. Tweaking my diet and nutrition makes me pay more attention,¬† be more conscious, which is a good thing. I really think my little goals this year are doing exactly that:¬† making me more conscious of how I spend my time, how I relax, how I eat, how I live. Solidly in middle age, I find it is entirely up to me not to become mired in ruts, or lazy and if not full-on lazy, maybe just complacent. I must challenge myself. I don’t want to be coasting along, I want to be alert.

 

 

 

 

.