Author Archives: Colette

Seeking approval (or something like it)

I just finished reading In the Land of Men: A Memoir by Adrienne Miller, an account of the writer’s time as the very young literary fiction editor at Esquire, which coincided with her professional and intimate relationship with writer David Foster Wallace. “DFW” was ten years her senior and already famous, and Miller’s account paints him as brilliant, deeply troubled and misogynistic, even if she doesn’t use those exact words.

Although it isn’t framed that way, I came away believing that Miller wanted both Foster Wallace’s desire and his approval. She doesn’t reveal much about their sexual relationship but I got the idea his desire was more readily available than was his approval. While a ten year age difference isn’t always germaine to power dynamics, it usually is when one is in their twenties and the other in their thirties. I think Miller wanted David Foster Wallace, the famous, genius writer – who people were falling over themselves to “court” – to validate her intellect, to find her, a woman, worthy. (That she was young, tall, slim, and attractive, she never addresses as undoubtedly being of significant interest to him, certainly as much as her considerable intellect and conversational skills, which seems either short-sighted or deliberately obtuse on her part. The man comes across as an admitted horn-dog, despite the author’s efforts to share his sweet, vulnerable side.)

Quite awhile ago I knew a man whose approval I wanted. It was only after I got it that I realized it wasn’t worth having. It was a lesson I won’t forget quickly.  I do not believe, as some say, that only our own approval is necessary in this life, but I damn sure believe if you want approval, you best do everything you can to first learn if it’s worth having. 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer’s last notes

A chill has come on early. Our Septembers are usually hot. Not now. I wanna share a few last summer things before nobody cares anymore, me included.😊

If you read this blog awhile, you’ll know I’m a frequent salvager of roadside finds. Things seemed scarcer this year but I snagged a few items. Last month I came upon a big pile of stuff. I only picked around the edges but there I found a crazy lamp. I had no need for a turquoise Chinese Dragon lamp but I could imagine the ceramic statue as a free-standing decoration. I took it home, dismantled the lamp portion and made a spot for my find outside. About 15″ high, he certainly has a presence!

Originally, the metal lamp post went up behind his back and the shade was over his head. Um, no.


i don’t understand videos of dozens of happy hummingbirds cheerfully sharing a single feeder because all my hummingbirds – 2 or 3 max – do every year is fight over the feeder. Nonethless, I replaced the hummingbird feeder with a fresh one not long ago. The plastic on the old one got cruddy fast so I was cleaning it & making fresh sugar water frequently. Too frequently. After I put out the new one, I could see it looked clean and still had plenty of sweetened water in it, so I let it be. After a number of days I noticed that when a hummingbird would come along, it wouldn’t stay. I thought maybe they just didn’t like the new feeder.

When I brought the feeder in & dumped the old sugar water I about gagged. Although it and the feeder looked clean, the water REEKED, like when you’ve left flowers in a vase too long.😦 Now I knew what those hummingbirds had been thinking when they popped by and hastily left. Imagine the following in a high, squeaky, indignant voice:

This slop is disgusting! What, are you trying to KILL us?! I wouldn’t feed this swill to my worst enemy! Who was just here by the way! PETA is going to hear about this!

Hummingbird assessing fresh sugar water in new feeder


I grew a “Spanish flag” vine in a big pot from seed. I think flowering vines are great, especially when they grow fast, so fast you see daily changes. I thought it’d be a nice diversion this summer.

Just starting to grow Jul 12

It’s supposed to get great blooms in “late summer, early fall.” So far I’ve succeeded in growing a green vine on a 10′ bamboo stick, not a flower to be had.😐 I’ve faithfully kept it watered and everything.

Aug 20

Aug 29

Sep 14

Ah well. I can’t imagine my silly vine-on-a-stick will get any flowers at this point – the leaves are turning fall colors – but if it does, I’ll snap a picture. This vine is sort of like this summer, it went along but didn’t really get anywhere when all was done.

Wooden man couture

There’s a particular kind of man, usually older but not always, who dresses like Pinocchio. I see this with some regularity and wonder why. It’s not a good look.

Short Thought #279 (partners)

Do you ever think less of someone after you see or meet their spouse, significant other, or partner? I do. I’m equal opportunity judgmental, thinking to myself, “You married her?” or “That’s your boyfriend?”

There are those who KNOW their partner is bad news so they apologize for the person or try to mitigate the other person’s behavior. It doesn’t help, not really.

Who a person has chosen to share their life with speaks volumes, revealing what they value and how they see themselves, among other things. It influences their life’s trajectory. I bear this in mind myself.