I heard a commentator on TV last week saying a coping skill now would be to think about what lessons you could take from this epidemic.
Lessons? Before she said that I wasn’t thinking in terms of lessons at all which actually is counter to my nature; I’m almost always trying to learn from my life. But at the moment I’m not really in the mood. Moreover, the lessons I hear other people talking about – slowing down, spending more time with loved ones, showing gratitude and so on – don’t apply to me. Those aren’t my (needed) lessons. Besides, I get a little irritated remembering how those were the supposed lessons people took away in the years following Sept 11, 2001. If they had taken hold then would people really need the same lessons again just under twenty years later?
I don’t need to slow down, I work hard on being grateful and not dissatisfied, and as someone who put love & relationships – family, friends, partners – at the center of my life for MOST of my life, only to decide I’d done so to my detriment in certain respects, well again, this is not my lesson at this juncture.
Last night before I went to sleep and the thoughts ricocheted around my mind, my lesson, or a lesson, or my FIRST lesson – however it all comes out – came to me. For a little while now, at least through this past fall & winter if not further back, I’ve been working on staying in my own lane and minding my own business. Let me be clear. I am not a busybody or interferer or somebody that routinely inserts themselves into other people’s affairs. I pretty much stay to myself and go about my business. HOWEVER, my thoughts are another matter. My mind is not on board with staying in its own lane and tending its own business. My mind has PLENTY to say about other people. PLENTY.
Is there a lot to judge and take issue with now? Oh my yes, there IS. I don’t think I need to tell you. Online, on TV, in the news, and right outside the window (literally in my case). People are doing things wrong. All of them? No. No and no and no. No. But the ones who are? Well, my little mind has so much to say about it.
It might sound like I’m being hard on myself. Maybe. But I’m the woman for the job. I’m the only one who’s allowed to be. I’m the only one who’s earned the right. And the only one with any ability to redirect myself. Back to my lane, back to my business. In my mind.