Tag Archives: party

Older guys

A post I wrote recently got me to thinking about older men, specifically older ones I encountered when I was still quite young. As a teen, I thought guys out of high school and beyond were intimidating. Why, they looked like grownups. Even factoring in that guys that age back then would likely have been more mature than their present-day counterparts (not a swipe at younger guys today but a reflection on the fact that 20’s then is like thirties now and so on, given increased life span, each stage taking longer, etc.), the idea that they were really so worldly or grownup is laughable.

One summer when I was 15ish, a guy 3 years older, who had a reputation as a flirt decided to bestow his attentions on me one afternoon at the public swimming pool. It amounted to holding me in is arms in the water, tossing me around, and so forth for a long time. Playful, not icky or pushy, if a bit too much considering we had no prior relationship. I was flattered as hell. An older boy focusing on me. I remember he walked me home and that was that (although 3 years later, after I’d graduated high school, the two of us did have a serious, memorable, if fairly brief relationship).

In high school, I rode a bus to and from school. One of our drivers was an attractive, mustachioed guy in his twenties. After school let out, a bunch of buses followed one another down the main drag leading away from the building. One day a girl I didn’t know, sitting at the back of the bus ahead of ours began flirting wildly with our driver, blowing kisses and more. She really went for it, to a degree that pretty much shocked me at the time, particularly because she was so brazen and in full view of everybody on our bus. With the distraction, it’s a wonder our driver didn’t careen his busload of high school kids off the road. In retrospect, maybe this girl felt brave because she was at a safe distance from our driver. I really don’t know. The incident made quite the impression on me, though, because I couldn’t imagine coming on like that with a guy clearly out of high school, clearly older.

I did meet an older guy at a dance but the circumstances were different. Through older siblings, I knew a member of a band that was going to perform at a dance at my high school. I may have even had a small part in the arrangements because beforehand I talked on the phone with another band member who I did not know. We seemed to have a friendly rapport. At any rate, we met in person, if briefly, at the dance. I remember having a good time and enjoying the band.

Apparently though, it was another girl who caught the band guy’s attention that night. One of those high school girls who seems older than high school if you know what I mean (I was not such a girl). She was very pretty, popular, and acted like she was 25 or so. I learned about this after the fact when talking on the phone with band guy. He seemed to want my advice and I liked the attention. I wasn’t used to that from an older guy, being treated as an equal. He hadn’t gotten the girl’s information, however, and needed me as a conduit. His thought was that I should approach the girl at school and get her phone number for him (since he couldn’t go waltzing into the high school looking for her). I wanted to help but no way was I going to walk up to a strange girl and request her phone number. Without telling him first, I found her in a group of friends and instead gave her HIS phone number, saying he wants you to have this. Guess it worked out, because I stopped hearing from band guy and later heard the two married.

I knew I turned a corner, when, after graduating from high school, I and two older sisters went to a party hosted by people one of them knew. My sister was forever scouting about for an eligible man to date and this time was no different. There was one particular guy that was attractive and charming with us all. He commented that I seemed especially young – and in that group, I was – but when there was a lull outside and we momentarily found ourselves alone, it was me he kissed. Maybe I should have kept my yap shut later when we girls rehashed the party and my man-hunting sister claimed this particular guy was interested in her. But I didn’t. I set her straight. I never saw the guy again, but the barrier was crossed; older guys were starting to look different to me now.

A dating story from the ancient history vault

This story occurred many years ago when I was quite young, not even 20. I met him at a party in the group house I was moving into and he was vacating. He was cute and out-going (in retrospect the latter attribute may have been Budweiser-induced, but at the time, well…). We hit it off.

Later, some days after the party, he called at the last minute and asked me out. I cancelled another date in order to accept. Oh don’t worry – the gods punished me for this etiquette transgression. First and last time I ever did that.

When I saw him again, he didn’t seem quite so extroverted or entertaining as he had on the first meeting. Somber and humorless might actually be a more apt description. We went out to dinner, where, during the entrees, he volunteered how he’d wanted to become a priest but couldn’t because of his voracious
sex drive. Not knowing how to respond to this tidbit – remember, I was very young and it was a first date – I focused on my plate and attempted not to choke.

After dinner he took me to a sorority party at the local university. I was generally unfamiliar with sororities (still true) and perhaps had I been a little more knowledgeable, could have headed off the next derailment. As soon as we arrived, we were taken aside by one of the girls and asked to leave. Whaaa?? It turned out the theme was a “crush” party, meaning the sisters invited only guys. I don’t know if they necessarily needed to have an actual “crush” on the guy or if the idea was just to flood the house with men. Why my date didn’t know that bringing a woman with him might be frowned upon, I couldn’t say. I thought that being kicked out was pretty shabby (for one, it wasn’t like I was going to hit on the other invited guests), but my date found the demand reasonable. Not that I wanted to stay after getting that treatment, but I’d have appreciated a littttle indignation on his part or maybe, I dunno, an apology to me?

To top off this laugh-fest, we dropped by his new group home where a coupla listless bachelor housemates were lounging in front of the TV. He showed me his room. It was a monk’s cell. Twin bed and a cross on the wall. Little else. Between his professed sex drive (which I assure you I did NOT want to have heard about) and this spartan religious-themed abode, it was clear my date might just have a few unsorted ISSUES. To this day, I have no clue why he even wanted me to see the room. We were not clicking and he made no moves, so trust me, it wasn’t that.

The date ended with a whimper. We never went out again.