Tag Archives: grocery store

Overheard in the grocery store

Customer: Should you be putting the cherries that were on the floor back on the shelf?

Employee: Yeah. They’re going to get washed anyway.

Suddenly I was glad I don’t like cherries. And thinking that buying a bottle of “vegetable wash” might not be quite the needless and frivolous purchase I’d always presumed it was…

 

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Bear with me

This afternoon I headed out to the local big, chain grocery store. I wanted to get a couple things now (I had a few most excellent coupons!) and then avoid the place with its crowds and chaos till after Thanksgiving.

I buy Amazon gift cards to use on their website (that way I’m not using anything with my name on it for security) so I stopped to look at the extensive gift card display in the store. It’s so big it covers TWO sides of a aisle and the “end cap” as well. I couldn’t see all the cards though, because there were these huge stuffed bears (I guess for Christmas?) sitting atop the tall display, with their legs hanging over blocking gift cards.

I wanted to see if there was another denomination card behind one of the bear’s legs so I just reached to shift the leg to the side and you guessed it – the whole bear started to move! I tried to grab at him but it was useless as momentum took over and the bear fell down onto the floor. I started laughing at this stupid bear at my feet. There were people all around but nobody was paying me any mind. I half-expected employees to come running, but no, it was me and the bear. I got him off the floor but there was no way I could return him to his seated position because he was too unwieldy and the top of the display was just too high. I couldn’t just walk away since his leap to the floor was instigated by me and I wasn’t about to start hauling him around in search of a useful employee.

Instead I took hold of his head with one hand and his nether region with the other and HEAVED him upward over my head. It was the best I could do. I put back a sign and a gift card I’d knocked down and got the hell away from there before anything else happened.

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He looks like he’s been shot. (You can see the head of a properly seated black bear – as well as the ceiling – behind him)

Short Thought 77 (clumsy week)

I don’t think of myself as clumsy but go through “clumsy phases,” usually brought on by fatigue. This week I careened gracelessly around the grocery store, including catching a small display with my cart and dragging it, which I thankfully realized. In Produce I knocked a red onion out of the display basket and it went rolling across the tile floor. I retrieved it and stood up, knocking my head on the hanging metal scale, which clattered noisily. On a different day, while outside, I managed to poke myself hard in the face with a tall wooden stake lodged in a plant pot. Oh yeah, that left a mark.

Grocery shopping: healthy, healthy, healthy, junky, healthy

Which item doesn't belong?

Which item doesn’t belong?


This is my grocery store receipt from earlier this week: 3 lbs apples, 1 lb lettuce, 1 lb carrots, 1 lb pears, a bag of spinach, almost 2 lbs bananas, almost 2 lbs tomatoes, and… potato chips. Sort of a vegetable, yes?

This list pretty much captures my overarching diet philosophy, that is, mostly healthy with a little bit of junk. Does all the healthy stuff cancel out the occasional junk? I reckon it does, and if not, I am just not willing to never have anything “unhealthy.” How many people get to the end of their life and say, “If only I’d never had any chips. I coulda been somebody?”

I’m not a purist. I get cravings. Mostly I don’t give in, but once in awhile do. To stay honest – and I realize this stickler practice isn’t for most – whenever I have something junky, I jot it on my calendar. That’s how I know this is the second time this year I bought potato chips.

IF chips were healthy, I’d eat them every week. Salty, crunchy, greasy, oh my! A savory trifecta! The chips I got this week were a mixed pack, including two flavored kinds. I can’t say when I last ate a flavored chip (as I’m well aware their ingredient lists are appalling), but when I munched into that first barbecue-flavored chip the other day, my senses flooded with pleasure. Oh man was that good! Potato chips have a secret ingredient that changes an otherwise rational person into a dopamine-filled chip junkie whose only thought is “More, MORE, MORE.”

The bags are labeled in a way that caught my notice.

They're Made from potatoes? Is this anything to be boasting about?

Made from potatoes? Is this anything to be boasting about?

Brand X, my favorite!

Shabby artist's rendering

Shabby artist’s rendering


Many years ago, when generic brand grocery products were introduced on the market, the small, local store dedicated an entire wall to them. The interesting part is all the items, regardless of what they were, came in plain white packaging with their names in bold black lettering. That’s it. No fuss, no muss. Stark.The products looked like props you’d see used on Saturday Night Live at the time (haven’t watched SNL in years so I don’t know if they still would). They were low-priced, and if you could get past the “Brand X” packaging – as my friend and I liked to call it – the food itself was fine. Oh, how I wish I had saved something, anything, from the long-gone line. Not to eat now, goodness knows, but just because they struck me as so funny. I was sorry to see them replaced by generics with actual company names and fancified packaging.