Short Thought #249 (babies)

When I was younger and expressed ambivalence (at best) about ever having children, the common response – an opinion usually touted in the media too – was something like “Just you wait, every woman wants children. The clock will start ticking and one day you’ll wake up and BAM! That’s all you’ll think about, all you’ll want. A baby. Babies. You’ll see.”

That day never came. I never felt that urge. And I never felt I was missing anything for not having it. I did have nurturing and caretaking instincts, but it’s occurred to me that they’ve been directed at beings that mostly take care of themselves: other adults, suburban wildlife, and plants inside and out.

 

13 thoughts on “Short Thought #249 (babies)

  1. Kate Crimmins

    Same with me. Now that I’m older, I still don’t miss them. I’ve used my care taking skills on cats. I don’t think everyone is cut out to be a parent and it’s best if you know that about yourself.

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    1. Colette Post author

      I also think circumstance plays a role; I was never involved with anyone who gave me a strong “I wanna have your babies” feeling. So between my lack of desire to have kids and that…

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    1. Colette Post author

      I’ve always been uneasy with women, real and fictional, who put the importance of child-bearing over the importance of (choice of) partner/parent.

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    1. Colette Post author

      Although it is argued (still) that you’re not a real adult until you (have to) put the needs of a child ahead of your own. Then again, so many people make mediocre parents, I’m not sure that argument holds!

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  2. Maggie Wilson

    I toyed with the idea of getting pregnant because I allowed myself to be influenced by those exact “just you wait, you’ll want to have a baby” words. One month went by, I got my period and almost wept with relief. Never stopped using contraception after that.

    What irks me still is the way the fallacy is perpetuated by Hollywood. Falling in love, getting married, having babies are considered the ultimate goals in just about every movie or TV series.

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    1. Colette Post author

      Maggie, it”s those “scare” moments that really reveal how you feel about it.😯 When I was young there was a statistic that 90% of people have children. I was okay with being in that 10%. (I don’t know what the percentages are today.) And you are so right about pop culture/movies. Then again, aren’t men still making most of the mainstream movies? Only Yentyl stood out back in the day against the tide – but then a woman made that.

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  3. Pistachios

    I can relate. I suppose women’s priorities, preferences, ambitions, etc have changed over time. But I’ve never even had a strong (if any) desire to get married either. I’ve long resented that media and society make people believe it’s only normal and proper to get married and have kids.

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    1. Colette Post author

      It is often looked like as a personality shortcoming if the family/babies thing don’t appeal to you. And the other thing trotted out is that you won’t have anyone “to take care of you when you’re old.” 😐 Women have more options clearly and if babies & family were a golden ticket to satisfaction & happiness maybe the hard sell wouldn’t be necessary…

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