I sort of joke – but I’m not entirely joking – when I say that I want a man to treat me the way Amazon does. How so?

Amazon makes my life better. Amazon is interesting and stimulating and does things to hold my attention. Amazon mixes it up and doesn’t take the chance of letting me get bored. Amazon even feeds me; I get plenty of dry groceries from them (the way to this woman’s heart is definitely through her stomach). Amazon isn’t perfect but when Amazon screws up not only does Amazon say sorry, they usually do something concrete to make amends. If I take issue with a transaction by and large Amazon doesn’t blow me off. They don’t make me wait around wondering; they communicate with me.

Amazon doesn’t always tell it straight and sometimes tries to blow smoke but I can usually get over that because it doesn’t interfere with my overall experience. I don’t mean it’s a free ride – I have to do my part too,  be a good customer, or Amazon loses interest in me. it’s not charity and it’s reciprocal. Amazon sends me a strong message that they want me around but they don’t push or act clingy. They don’t take me for granted. And I say this after years. Amazon had to earn – and keep – my trust.

I read once online that people think they’re having a relationship with Amazon but in fact they’re not. The thing is I know I’m having a relationship with Amazon. Amazon is a player in my life. I would be very, very sorry if for some reason Amazon went away or dumped me or I could no longer use them. I’d get over it and move on but I’d have a tough time of it. I’d feel sad for myself. Kind of like a breakup.

I try to think of Amazon in a less human way but they’re not making it easy.  More than once I’ve received a message from Customer Service, after I’ve alerted them that something is wrong, which refers to their desire to win back my heart.  Win back my heart?! Isn’t that what boyfriends and intimates say?? I realize that English isn’t the first language for many of Amazon’s reps (this is obvious in many cases) but still. The thing is it’s kind of charming when they say things like this. Even though I know it’s almost like a robot or android is telling me sweet nothings; how personal could it possibly be? When you correspond with Amazon as regularly as I do it is also obvious certain templates and canned phrases are used by them. Somehow I doubt “win back your heart” is one of them but who knows?

Once in awhile something genuine slips through from their side and I find myself again charmed. I usually write back a thank you or words of appreciation when Amazon does me a good turn or corrects an error. The same as I’d do with real people. And more than once they have responded kindly. I figure they take a lot of abuse so I am never rude, demanding, or nasty even when I’m annoyed with them. Once a customer service rep expressed pleased surprise at my thanks, saying that they don’t usually hear from customers after an issue is resolved. Another said they’d share my appreciation with co-workers and more or less said that hearing complimentary words kept their spirits up. That didn’t sound canned or rehearsed to me.

I didn’t grow up in an internet world. I grew up in a time when if you bought something by mail you filled out a little form, wrote a check and then waited “6-8 weeks” (everything was 6-8 weeks). If you wanted to contact them, you usually hand wrote or typed up a letter. Then you waited.  And waited.  This kind of interaction did not promote intimacy or a feeling of personal involvement  You may have trusted a brand or company or had confidence in them but it didn’t feel like a relationship, not like now, not like Amazon.

7 thoughts on “I (mostly) HEART AMAZON

  1. markbialczak

    I’m still an old-fashioned, look-‘em-in-the-eye to buy sort of guy, Colette. My wife, on the other hand, has a robust relationship with Amazon and seems quite satisfied. Now I have more insight!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Hmm, interesting observation Mark. Now I wonder if women make up more of their customer base. It’s funny – my email relationship with Amazon feels much more personal than most of my in-person shopping interactions.


      1. markbialczak

        I have a feeling, Colette, at least men of my generation are less likely to go the online buying route unless absolutely necessary. That’s the way I handle it. I only purchase online if it’s a ticket deal I can’t easily handle in person or an item I absolutely can’t locate at nearby brick and mortar. To me, the online buying experience is the one that feels impersonal.

        Liked by 1 person


Have something you'd like to say about this?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s