After we were grown, my mother once casually commented, indirectly, that at least she hadn’t had to worry about our father sexually abusing his children. Too taken aback to answer, I thought What is wrong with you?!? The absence of sexual abuse goes in the PLUS column?!? Gratitude is the appropriate response here?? Moreover, the phrasing centered on her, her problems, not us. The passivity of her statement made me also believe that had it been an issue, we’d have been on our own. Which shouldn’t have surprised me, but still, sickeningly, it did. I wasn’t “grateful” I’d missed a bullet but freshly irritated with my mother’s feigned helplessness and self-involvement.