Short Thought 159 (abuse)

After we were grown, my mother once casually commented, indirectly, that at least she hadn’t had to worry about our father sexually abusing his children. Too taken aback to answer, I thought What is wrong with you?!? The absence of sexual abuse goes in the PLUS column?!? Gratitude is the appropriate response here?? Moreover, the phrasing centered on her, her problems, not us. The passivity of her statement made me also believe that had it been an issue, we’d have been on our own. Which shouldn’t have surprised me, but still, sickeningly, it did. I wasn’t “grateful” I’d missed a bullet but freshly irritated with my mother’s feigned helplessness and self-involvement.

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11 thoughts on “Short Thought 159 (abuse)

  1. battlewagon13

    I guess I kind of view that comment differently. It makes me think that there WAS a serious issue in some other way – such as alcoholism (in my case). It’s amazing what you find out what your parents were dealing with when one passes away.

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    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Oh yes, there were serious issues but the kids were privvy to them (and subjected to them). My mother was passive so far as how our father behaved toward the family and for that I hold her accountable. I understand what you’re saying though.

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      1. foguth

        Unfortunately, too many families have problems with that. While we were in Central America, we were invited to a wedding – Caucasian bride, Black groom … someone asked the bride why she’d decided to marry a black man. She said, “My dad is black.” … Her dad was a swarthy Mediterranean who spent hours outdoors and always had a dark tan, but he wasn’t black – something the bride’s mother was quick to point out. Another person instantly responded that the bride was lucky that she’d never seen her father without his swim-trunks…
        What does one say to that?!? AND, who would think to make such a comment and why?

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        1. writerinsoul Post author

          I guess when it’s strangers or acquaintances making the careless, thoughtless remarks, sometimes the best a stunned listener can do is not encourage or reward them. It’s their intimates who should probably be taking them to task (either subtly in public or less so in private).

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