Now that I’m solidly in middle age, it is interesting to see how younger men respond to me. Mostly, I don’t think I’m on their radar, which is fine and to be expected. However, sometimes guys half my age and even younger show interest in me. Honestly, I am taken aback. Seriously? (I mean I want to say things like, “Sonny, go get me my reading glasses so I can get a better look at you.”)
Some young guys who lean my way are attracted to or have a kink for older women. This leaves me just as cold as men who are strictly interested in me for the color of my skin or the shade of my hair. It’s a big so what? And it comes across impersonal and not about me but a about a small aspect of my physical being. I don’t want anything to do with guys who are specifically looking for an older woman. (Not to mention that I’m not exactly a standard-issue middle-age woman; my life has been too atypical – like being childless and not career-driven for examples – to represent my “group”).
Some young men are simply curious. They have no long term interest in older women but just want to sample another dish from the table. Sexual curiosity in the same vein as having a three-some or sex on the beach or dating outside their race/ethnicity. Anything straying from the norm just for its own sake. Basically they are merely willing to give it a try. That still smacks to me of being objectified (and lord knows – but these guys apparently don’t – I’ve already got years of that behind me; I see it for what it is. And it’s a snooze fest).
What I’ve realized in the case of most younger men who show interest in me is that they think expressing interest (or willingness or curiosity) is all they have to do. In their minds no real effort is required. They think an older woman will be grateful for the attention (and ecstatic for the possibility or occurrence of sex with a younger guy): “Look at the old bat! If I tell her she’s hot, it’ll be the thrill of her life!” I mean this stuff makes me snort with laughter. When I realize they think their attraction is a favor to me (or any older woman) I am incredulous. Incredulous that youth is thought to be a golden ticket independent of smarts, looks, power, status, character, humor, integrity, or any of the other attributes that might make a person attractive. Certainly to me.
I don’t know if these same young guys also make such little effort with their female peers although there is evidence to suggest that may be the case; that is, if just texting “lets hang out” [sic] is sufficient to get someone laid with a woman in their own age group, I can hardly think they are going to go to any real trouble to win the attention of an older gal.
It is very, very difficult for me to take these guys seriously. Very.