I’m afraid of my soap

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Someone recently gave me this sizeable (unused I should say) bar of soap. It wasn’t a gift so much so that it’s scented and the owner couldn’t tolerate strongly scented products. I was happy to have it. I think it smells great and being a frugal sort, rarely buy fancy soaps, so it’s a nice treat.

Maybe I don’t get around much but I’ve never seen such a huge bar of soap. There’s a bit of a downside I had not considered, which is in the shower, it’s a tricky piece of business to keep the bar in one’s grip. I’ve been using it for about a week and have dropped it in the shower several times already. It’s not too clear in the photo but there are visible dents from the soap slamming into the tub porcelain.
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Now, I have a few years of life experience, and the thing I knew, from the first time that sucker slipped out of my grasp, was to get the hell out the way before it landed. I have successfully avoided dropping it on my toes and each time I congratulated myself on my quick reflexes and spry limbs. So far.

I guess the obvious solution would be to cut the soap in half but that presents potential problems as well. What would I use? A kitchen knife? A handsaw? Neither seems appropriate. And suppose I did cut it in half; I’d be left with squared-off jagged edges and let me say I don’t much like the sound of that. Maybe eventually the sharpness would wear down but how long might that take? And, when it came time, I’d have to repeat the whole breaking-in, wearing-down process with the second half. But more than any of that, I resent the idea of despoiling my pretty, intact, albeit unwieldy bar of soap. It’ll get smaller on its own I figure – (you can’t force it, it has to want to) – and why, by Fall or maybe Christmas, it will be the size of a regular bar of soap.

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32 thoughts on “I’m afraid of my soap

  1. longchaps2

    That thing has it’s own zip code, lol. Actually I still use bar soaps too, but I have huge hands cause I’m hugely tall. And I STILL chase my soap around the bathtub. I guess there’s a reason they went to gels. Bars are for thrill seeks like you and I 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Haha, yes, soap with an attitude. I hadn’t even thought about all the gel using people. I’m way too cheap, I mean frugal, to run all that expensive stuff down the drain. I’m not as tall as you are, but never thought of myself as having “dainty” hands either, but it’s still a challenge.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
            1. John Callaghan

              The strawberry phoned about a week ago, crying, saying you called him scrawny. Said he was more a little rasberry than a strawberry. And you laughed at him when he took his shirt off. That’s why he started using steroids.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Laura L.

    😀 You had me laughing. And, I mean this affectionately, the whole time I was reading it I was thinking, “Now this is a white people problem.” 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  3. A.PROMPTreply

    Now that IS a big bar of soap! Funny the problems that crop up with something like this and how much thought you’ve obviously put in to thinking on how to solve them. Your writing made me laugh. Thanks for this!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Dennis Wagoner

    “(unused I should say)” Interesting that you felt compelled to insert the side-bar comment. Is the giving of used bars of soap an issue in your gift-giving circles?

    Nevertheless, I do have a suggestion for you. Drill a hole in the middle of the bar. Shove a piece of rope through it and tie a knot on the end. You can dangle that from the shower head – kind of like home-made soap on a rope.

    Very funny post!
    -Dennis

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Dennis, you clever man. How’d you know I had a drill? (I do even.) Oh, I felt compelled to say it was unused so as to not appear to be casting any aspersions on the giver, as in “Here, take this old soap. I tried it and don’t want it.” Glad you enjoyed!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. vanbytheriver

    A soap emergency…hmmm. Maybe soften it in the microwave and then cut it up ??? Not sure I’d bother..Just enjoy the fragrance, put it some place safe and use something else.

    Like many of my favorite bloggers, you’ve cut back lately. Life sometimes gets in the way of writing, or is it just better weather ??? Either way, nice to “see” you. ☺ Van

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Hey Van, thanks for the idea; this post was more meant to be amusing than anything else though! (That said, I am soldiering on in using my soap.)

      I have cut back (another good catch on your part). I think I recently told you my philosophy on not making the blog “a job” but from the start I told myself I’d only write when I was moved to. After I hit the one-year mark, I shifted gears a bit in my thinking about the blog. –Colette

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. vanbytheriver

        I’ve thought about that a bit. I actually started this blog in 2012, quit after a short time, then resumed 8 months ago. Not sure, but I suspect the summer activities will limit my activity. Will enjoy your stuff, whenever it shows up. ☺ Van

        Liked by 1 person

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