Addiction in relationships

It was years ago, back when I thought, oh I don’t know what the hell I thought. That I could get through to him? Get him to understand? See?

An active addiction always comes between people in a relationship. In effect, two people reaching toward one another, will be thwarted by the presence of an addiction. They have to reach around it. This is what I tried to tell him. I even drew a picture that looked like this:
P_20141124_094136
Addiction doesn’t necessarily resemble a loaf of French bread, but you get the idea – I am confident, Reader, that you do. He didn’t get it. As I redid my illustration to show it here, I see something in it I’d not considered before; it’s hard to tell if the addict is really reaching for the other person – or the “fix.”

13 thoughts on “Addiction in relationships

  1. Andrew Davis

    The addicted individual will always choose the addiction over anything else, including a relationship. That is why it is an addiction and not a habit. Sadly, it’s a matter of control and the lack thereof.

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  2. daveb42

    My first wife formed a relationship with alcohol, which of course was more important than her relationship with anything else—the nature of the addiction. The thing is, that never goes away. Before sobriety, one is focused on having a drink. After sobriety, one is focused on not having a drink, but the focus is still there. The focus on not having a drink is necessary to preserve your life, but it sure does get in the way of any other relationships, at least ones that are not focused in the same way.

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  3. words4jp

    I grew up with an alcoholic father. I never knew my dad not under the influence of alcohol. He died at 67 from complications caused by alcohol and smoking. He had a cancerous tumor in his neck and other issues. What was most interesting is the fact that 1/3 of his brain matter was dead. This was determined before he died by a PET scan which was administered to see where the cancer had spread. my mom never left my father and I lived with his addiction until I graduated college. One of my biggest regrets is the fact I did not take her. I should have. He slowly killed her. His addiction killed her and 5 years it killed him. I am not certain exactly what I am trying to say, but I understand addiction. It is hell to be a part of. You are helpless and what is worse is the guilt. The friggin’ guilt because, though in your mind, you know it is not your fault or of your doing, in your heart you feel like a failure. Like there is something wrong with you because you could not control the situation – and fix it.

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    1. writerinsoul Post author

      I get that. And in families in particular, there are those of us who are either cast in, or take on for ourselves the role of helping/fixing/saving – none of which ever work, hence the guilt. And — my experience has been – we go right on into other relationships doing the same thing.

      I realize it won’t (likely) make any difference to say it, but I feel compelled to suggest your mother probably wouldn’t have gone with you anyway. And you know how the saying goes, save yourself first then go back for others if you can.

      Thanks so much for the comment.

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