How old are your friends?

I read once that throughout their lives, people tend to have the same age relative to their friends. It’s an interesting idea. In my case, for example, my friends have tended to be my age and older, a theme which has run fairly constant till now, even as the specific people have changed.

On the other hand, starting in childhood, one of my older sisters leaned toward people her age and younger for friends, and, pushing forty, even married someone younger.

If there is anything to this, it must have to do with the nature of the dynamic we prefer in our social relationships. I thought about that and realized I’ve wanted peers and people I can learn from.

With my sister, it’s pretty easy to understand too; she liked to be in charge, the ringleader of her friendships.

I am thinking that my way could eventually hit snags. Suppose I’m 90. Will I be looking for 100-year-old friends?? I can see where the pool of eligible contenders might begin to dry up a bit!

I do need to say that in sometimes being drawn to older friends, I have never looked for someone to “take charge” of me, i.e., tell me how to think, live, etc. Not all all. I have always been my own person and pretty capable of thinking for myself. Being interested in someone’s mind has consistently been the impetus for my friendships and relationships as well. I’ve seriously dated a man 10 years older and another 13 years older. I can think of two younger guys I seriously dated but both were long ago and have proven to be exceptions (so far?).

Another aspect to the friends business independent of age, is that my friends have typically been single, like I am (whether they never married, were divorced, and in one case, widowed). I don’t seem to befriend couples – or vice versa. Theoretically I’m not against it, but it hasn’t been part of my experience.

How old are your friends relative to you? Does the age theory seem to hold true to your experience?

19 thoughts on “How old are your friends?

  1. John Callaghan

    All my friends are pretty much my age. Some are older. My wife has an uncle who is in his 90’s and is in exceptional health. He has friends now that are in their 60’s because everyone his, or around, his age has died. He stopped going to funerals because he said it was not a lot of fun burying someone about once a month.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Funerals are a regular part of older people’s lives for sure (and conversation often centers around who is sick and who has died). I think your wife’s uncle (uncle-in-law?) probably has the best approach.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
        1. John Callaghan

          I’m getting way off topic. So to bring it back to age, when I was dating I would date women much older and much younger. But I didn’t really “date,” I guess it would more accurate to say “relationship.” The physical age of the person is probably the worst indicator of a person’s character and personality and I tried to not let that bias me.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          1. writerinsoul Post author

            You weren’t so far afield John! But anyway, I see what you’re saying. It’s been different for me – the main thing has been a need to take guys seriously and sometimes that’s difficult if they are much younger or much older. (I actually feel motherly toward some younger guys which is a real attraction killer, for me I mean!)

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            1. John Callaghan

              Yes. I don’t understand why any woman would have dated me when I was in my twenties. I was, like most men in their twenties, was an ass hat. Hahaha. Yeah, I feeling maternal would be a big romance killer.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Cristina

    This was true for me. My closest friends are my age or older, sometimes quite older! My sister and I are 7 years apart and (probably much to her chagrin) and as I went through high school and college, her best friends have became some of mine as well. As a child I was often referred to as an “old soul” and mature for my age. Now, as an adult, I regularly maintain relationships with my mother’s friends, lol

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. C. E. Robinson

    Interesting post and comments. I have friends of all ages, which includes relatives (considered friends too) that are much younger. Probably because I don’t take charge, as the older person, in the relationships. Guess my brain could be any age. I like people in general and find their lives interesting, how they live and think. I had a long marriage to a man my age, and for the past 20+ years I’m in a relationship with a younger man.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Interesting reply too! That’s a good point; I’ll bet older people sometimes scare off younger ones – and otherwise potentially mutually beneficial relationships – by coming off bossy, i.e., “let me teach you about life…”

      I also am interested in people – the internet and WordPress in particular is proving so good for that because it is largely stripped down to what people have to say for themselves, age being secondary.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Pingback: Older guys | WriterInSoul

Have something you'd like to say about this?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s