Why can’t my tablet do something USEFUL?

I realize I’m going to be far from the first person to take issue with spell-check. My tablet is prissy and will have no part of bad words. I’ve been made aware of how fond I apparently am of the word “hell” because the tablet always cleans it up to a tidy “he’ll”  –  and is pressed into this service somewhat frequently – which can really mess up the intent of a sentence if I don’t catch it. That’s not the only word the prim device takes issue with. Ass becomes associated. Dumbass becomes dumbest. Shit becomes shot. Fuck becomes duck. And so on. Turn it off? I’d like to but I already unchecked Spellchecker under Settings and yet it persists.

Here’s what I’m thinking. I’d like the tablet to make itself useful in other ways, ones that might do me some good. For instance, there’s a few words I overuse in writing (no, I’m not going to tell you what they are because then you’ll zero in on them whenever they turn up. That’s what I’d do.). What I’d like, see, would be for the tablet to alert me to them.

At first I thought if it gave me a little electric shock (no, I don’t know how that might work given it’s running on a charge, but let’s momentarily indulge my fancy), I’d become conditioned to rely less on the specific words. Then I thought, no, life is hard enough, I don’t need my electronics doling out corporal punishments. Instead, it could speak up, at first pleasantly: “Pardon me, but you’re using one of the verboten words again.” If that didn’t work, it’d be okay if the tablet took it up a notch: “Yo Sister! Third time today you’ve said that.” I wouldn’t want it to get too aggressive or insulting: “I know you went to college, or didn’t they teach you more than 6 words at that low-rent alma mater?” Or: “Every time you overuse that word, a puppy gets kicked. Aren’t you ashamed?!”

Hmmm. I wonder if a device or App like this already exists? Surely there’s a market…


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