What am I waiting for?

In my heart I think of myself as a writer above all else. To me, the definition is someone who must write. I’ve always felt that way. I also think of myself as an artist – and trust me allowing myself that designation, or hell, either for that matter, took a long time – and if someone said right now, you must choose between writing and making things/art, it would be like deciding between children. But I think I’d have to choose writing. If I have anything resembling a vocation, a calling, it is this.

I’ve earned some money, a little, from writing along the way. Certainly never reached the level of a livelihood. It’s mild consolation that few do. I was once offered a full time job writing for a government agency. It would be have been dull as dirt and involve spending my days in a cubicle in an office. That would be kind of like putting a wild animal in a cubicle in an office. I’ve run free too long. Some people would likely say, “Oh, take the job, it’s a good living and you can do your personal writing on the side.” Ha ha. Yeah, I don’t think so, it would never work that way, not for the likes of me. (On a side note, after I politely declined the government job I later received a standard rejection letter as if I hadn’t said no first. That’s not the only time that’s happened to me either. “You can’t say you don’t want us! We don’t want you, take that, Cupcake!”)

My fantasy has pretty much run like this: somebody or some outfit comes long, recognizes the brilliance of my writing and says, “We want to pay you to write whatever you want.” Um, that hasn’t happened. To be fair I’m not trying all that hard to make it happen, or at least haven’t in a good while but I never really doubted I have talent, not in this area. That said, I’m getting a little long in the tooth. A little old to keep harboring fantasies like this one.  Yet I’ve been hesitant to join the blogging masses, to be just another set of typing hands (like that? It’s my play on “talking heads”) for a number of reasons.

Am I getting to the party too late? Maybe. And yet, I am certain I have something to say. I’m old enough now to have experience, a few smarts, and a point of view that was hard won. And I’m constantly honing my thinking, working things out, asking a whole hell of a lot of questions. This drive to write about these things, to share them, just won’t go away. The desire to put it “out there” is profound, I can’t shake it. So: What am I waiting for?

8 thoughts on “What am I waiting for?

  1. Jim Link

    Collette, Your craving to write but still being without a “subject” awakens an echo in me. Keep this blog going! I certainly will pay attention………JIm

    Like

    Reply
  2. RobinLK

    Found you via Story Time With John. You had me at “…like a wild animal in a cubicle…” (been there briefly.. ugh) and “… being old enough now to have…..” I blog to quiet the voices in my head, because they just don’t shut up! Following. Have a great weekend!

    Like

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      Thank you! A lot of people (grown-ups?) don’t understand the intense aversion to being shut inside, in your little office pen with all the other people in their little pens.

      I enjoyed the slide show in your About section – first I’ve seen like that.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Zippy

    Some people would likely say, “Oh, take the job, it’s a good living and you can do your personal writing on the side.” while I see the logic in this, the reality remains- most writers(I stand to be corected) are slow with more than an average level of perfectionist tendencies and a proclivity to give all or nothing at all……. all this makes any form “dual” life difficult especially when you arent interested in one part and I totally relate to “That would be kind of like putting a wild animal in a cubicle in an office.” Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. writerinsoul Post author

      It’s a tough call. Is it better to be paid to be writing at all than to not earn anything, or minimal income, from one’s writing? I have been torn on this point at times but my writing seems to be the thing I just can’t compromise on, the thing I don’t want to sully or sell short.

      Like

      Reply
      1. Zippy

        Yup. I understand. I figured that the only way it ever works for me is -reading, writing and public speaking or teaching. These trio are usually sync.

        Like

        Reply
  4. Pingback: WriterInSoul is 5 | WriterInSoul

Have something you'd like to say about this?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s